The Initial Stages of Dating: Why Didn’t They Respond To Your Text Message?

textingA no brainer: texting definitely plays a huge role in the initial stages of dating-the exchange of common interests, the testing to see if chemistry exists and the setting up of the first few dates.

I’ve seen it happen one too many times- my girlfriends hit me up proclaiming that a guy they were interested in has randomly stopped texting them or never replied back to their text message. Ladies, being the natural over thinkers we are, will be FLOODED with a bunch of thoughts: ““What did I say wrong?” “What did I do wrong?” “Was I not funny enough” “Did he not think I was cute enough?” “Did he meet another girl last night?!?!” “Did he even get the text?!?! Should I resend?” “What’s happening!!!”

Being the lovely girlfriends we all are, we must comfort our gals and give our viewpoint on why the fella never replied back to their message (aka analyze the date, his texting style, his personality, her personality, her texting style, etc.).

Now, it’s vital that we all learn how to handle a situation like this gracefully. If someone doesn’t respond to your text and you’re almost certain that they’ve read it and chose to ignore it, do not come off clingy, desperate  and insecure. As offensive as it might be to feel rejected, sometimes we just have to accept the fact that they chose to not respond and move on with our lives.

A writer on a was explaining to a reader who submitted the typical “Why did he stop responding to my texts/lose interest in our texts?” and his response was as follow:

“…one of the best things you can do is make sure that you have a full, enjoyable, fun life [when you have this, you] won’t fall into the trap of obsessing when that next text is going to come or if he called or not.  You’ll be too busy enjoying the rest of your life. The beginning stages of a relationship are best served as “icing on the cake” rather than “the cake itself”.  Make your life your focus and it will make his erratic texting behaviors much more tolerable…don’t take a man’s texting habits personally.  That is a recipe for disaster if you do…”

Although we should avoid over thinking the no reply we received, here is a list of the common reasons why people don’t reply to a text message (this can apply both to women and men). Hopefully this will aid readers in realizing it’s not always a personal offense.

1)      The person doesn’t have a high enough interest in conversing with you.

2)      They are returning the style that you utilized when you ignored one of their text messages.

3)      You’re a boring texter- they’re tired of trying to spice up the convo and you just reciprocating with boring replies.

4)      It’s a mind game-we all want what we can’t have. If you have yet to receive that reply, you most likely are growing more frustrated with every second passing. This makes us think we want them more, when we really just want that reply.

5)      They’re lazy and don’t care enough about you to reply (you swear, like it takes more than a few seconds of their life).

6)      Their battery dies (most people have access to their charger at least once a day so unless they misplaced their charger or were away from it for a while, there’s no way they could utilize this excuse for a text sent days/weeks ago).

7)      They’re working individuals who are focused on performing their task (this is a legit, good reason). Same applies for studying or at school.

8)      They misplaced all their contacts and did not back up their iPhone on iCloud to resync all their contacts. They might not recognize your number and therefore, afraid to reply.

9)      They’re upset with you but choose not to reply because they don’t want to be confrontational.

10)   They might be too sick or exhausted to carry a good texting convo right now.

Has anyone ever intensely waited at their phone hoping for that one text message they never received? Did you take personal offense to it or did you quickly brush it off? What are a few other reasons you might assume someone would ignore a text?




  1. To be honest I think this article is a little flawed, So apparently you are saying that if we have a good ‘fun’ life when we text our crush or boyfriend, whomever; we won’t be distracted AT ALL if we have a fun loving life? That’s pretty inaccurate because I reckon no matter how happy you are you are ALWAYS going to be distracted no matter the mood, I could be happy and decide “Oh why don’t I send bla bla bla a text!” I will literally sit there and stare into space blankly over thinking everything no matter what my mood is, furthermore how can you possibly ‘make sure that you have a full, enjoyable, fun life ‘ this post hardly goes into ANY psychology on anything regarding the matter whatsoever, not very informative and kind of tells us what we already know. So lets ask this: What is the point of this? How can this help me really delve deep into the mind of the person I’m texting? Or is this really just a post to relieve the worry warts who just need some kind of factual opinion on why they’re being ‘rejected’ besides just cause they haven’t texted you back doesn’t mean they’re rejecting you, like it was stated in the post before, He probably just forgot or fell asleep or whatever. I’ve done it before but it wasn’t because the conversation was boring or anything like that, it was always cause I was either really really tired or I suddenly had an idea I wanted to illustrate. Whatever, to all you people out there who worry about this, just calm down. If they didn’t reply after a few days then fuck em’ they’re not worth your time.

    • Hi Kate!

      First off, thank you for taking out the time to read my article and leaving an insightful, extensive comment. I highly value what my readers think and I appreciate all sorts of feedback-positive or not.

      I didn’t intend to give off the impression that a fun filled life will allow oneself to never be engaged in a texting conversation, or be worried about a lack of reply. That opinion/quote was that of another writer and when I found it, I thought: “This touches base on the similar saying: ‘When one is kept busy, they tend to over think less.” I felt as if it was a perfectly appropriate quote to include as it’s a true psychology theory that if one is kept busy, they are more prone to be happy and over-think less. My observation has always been that those who live a productive lifestyle tend to not be as bind to their phones; therefore, not desperately waiting around for a text message. Likewise, how some of my more bored friends who aren’t as active do (or I do, sometimes). You are definitely correct in the sense that maybe I should’ve further elaborated this psychological finding on how productivity keeps one busier and less prone to over thinking. I will aim to keep that in mind for my future articles!

      I completely understand what you mean when you state that this post hardly goes into any hardcore psychology. The psychology of dating is a branch that psychologists haven’t greatly invested in therefore, most of my posts have always been a further examination of my own curiosities, as well as the curiosities of other teenagers/young adults my age. Due to a lack of hardcore psychology experiments about dating, I’ve always had to really invest my effort into writing about my own analysis, interpretation and investigation, as well as include other research/personal testimonials/insights that I’ve come across while researching. Psychology is the scientific study of the human mind and its function, especially those affecting behavior. Therefore, although I don’t include hardcore psychology studies/explanations within my posts (because there really isn’t a lot), any analysis of the human mind and behavior is psychology, in itself. Texting is a human behavior and this post aims to investigate the possible reasons behind that human behavior, or lack of human behavior (lack of text). If you truly think about it, what explanation for human behavior isn’t psychology?

      The point of this was to aid other individuals who over-think text messaging and/or who simply receive a no reply text message quite often and wanted to know the possible reasons why. I know quite a few friends of mine who consistently do this and beat themselves up about it. Due to the fact that it’s prevalent nowadays to over think a text message, it’s helpful to distinguish our texting style and possible flaws in that (as in, it’s rude to text someone back days later and maybe one should improve that). I wanted to draw attention to the fact that yes, texting plays a huge role in dating nowadays however, it’s not something we should actively obsessed over. We should be aware of proper texting etiquette, but it’s not something we should actively over-think.

      I aimed to write this post in a very casual tone therefore, I didn’t want to go into extreme depth. If I aimed to go into deeper thinking, I could ask questions such as: “Is it unsettling that technology, more specifically: texting, has turned into such a vast portion of the younger generation’s lifestyle that it’s so prevalent to sit and ponder why someone decided to not text you back? Is there something flawed in the way we text that seems to send off a negative perception of me to the receiving end? This post made me realize how much society is obsessively glued to their phones and maybe hey, that one writer from is accurate; I should work on for filling other components of my life and not be too invested in texting.” All of those questions are aiming to reason behind human behavior therefore, can be directly tied to psychology.

      I love your last two statements as it’s similar to my intention for this post. You are absolutely right and I hope the readers who read your comment will gain from it! Once again, thank you for reading this article and please do let us know any future comments/suggestions you have! I will definitely be taking into account the ones you’ve gave me here :)


  2. So, uhh I guess I’m a rare case. Whenever I text, I always text back asap. However, recently my phone died (as in the battery completely died) so I couldn’t respond to texts or anything. I was recently chatting with a girl and ever since this summer, I have not really talked to her even though we have classes together and stuff. Last year we were getting really close, but now there seems to be a rift between us. I was wondering if there was a way to close that rift and become friends again, at least.

  3. So I recently got out of a long relationship (4 years) and I’m still sort of new to this game. Anyways I met this awesome guy at a bar. He bought me drinks, followed me around, kissed me, and gave me his number (his phone was dead). At one point I even said “you’re probably not going to text me” (jokingly) and then he kept saying to me “i’m going to text you” and then something random later like “why do you think i’m not going to text you”. Before he even kissed me he said to my friend when I went to talk to another friend “I’m nervous, she’s great..should I go for it?”

    So anyways…when he first gave me his number I told him I was going to text him so he knew who it was. I wrote “hi its [name]” and showed it to him and then he physically pressed send on my phone.

    The next day I text him, “hey :) i had a great time with you last night” no response. so obviously I thought about it MORE. then like 3 hours later (bad mistake) I text him something like “i get off from work in an hour or two, would you like to grab drinks with me? If not I totally get it, I’m not trying to be a weird girl or anything”

    So I feel like I shouldn’t have said that weird girl part…but it felt like we really hit it off. What would you recommend I do next time? How long should I wait to text him, what should I say? Should I have even double texted him? Do you think he’s ever going to respond? This was like 3 days ago btw. I feel like I definitely shouldn’t have sent the second one, but with the vibes that we had I felt like it was ok for me to say that because he seemed super cool and non-judgemental.

    I need your help – I’m definitely new to this and definitely don’t know what I’m doing.

  4. Hi Chrissy!
    I’m a reporter and I’m working on a story about this exact subject! I’d love to ask you a few questions about people not responding to messages and how frustrating that is. Would you mind emailing me at erinmigdol @ ? Thank you so much!

  5. I recently dated a guy on the online dating site. We went out 2 dates. First date was awesome, Went to dinner. gave me a kiss good night. We both had a great time together. 2nd date came, Went out to dinner, went to his p;ace. We made out and the night was going great. He said he had a good time.

    But its been almost a week. He never text or call me. I text him but no reply. I figured he is not into me anymore. It is very sad if things went well and all of sudden the heart changes!! I really like him and I want to see him and go out with him more. Obviously, if we both are on dating site. I am sure he is also meeting other women.

    It would be nice if a guy would just stay they are no longer interested in you. But I know a lot of guys don’t do that right?

    Plus, he works in a Medical field, At first I thought ” Oh he is just busy because he is with patients” but really? it doesn’t take few seconds to text them if they are interested, right?

  6. So I met this guy online recently. And he seemed really into me. As I was with him. And I’ve been redecorating my room and I told him that id be busy and may not answer. Well he sent me a text saying, “I’m done. We don’t even talk.” Well that got to me to where I cried. I obviously told him that I was busy. And I’ve texted him saying that I was sorry, I loved him, and that it was my fault earlier today. Well he still hasn’t answered me. And this bothers me because we’re dating and now…I just don’t know whether to move on or stay heartbroken.

  7. As a newbie to the dating world, I feel dating is way too much effort for me right now for particularly these reasons. I am young and I have a lot of other things to worry about than impressing someone or wondering what to say in a text or why they didn’t respond. I want to meet someone naturally – friends first, lovers later.