Today was rough for this introvert. Inexplicable anger hit me like the random snow storm that hit my town today. It was just one of those days where you’re angry at everything for no reason. If I didn’t have to give my Marx Brothers presentation in class today, I probably would’ve skipped.
So what was I angry at for most of the day? My family. If you remember from my other entries, my family and I have been through a rough time.
My parents are in the middle of a divorce, as is my Aunt and Uncle.
Grandad died about three years ago.
My political and religious opinions have changed drastically and I no longer agree with my family about these subjects.
Mom and I have been butting heads more and more because I’m an adult now and she still treats me like a child. She judges me for everything I do and cannot allow me to feel good about myself for one day.
Dad has let me down one too many times for me to want him in my life, even though now, out of the blue, he wants to be a part of it.
I’m really pissed about my graduation next December (if luck is on my side). The problem is that we live in a frozen wasteland and getting here in the middle of December is next to impossible. That means almost no one is gonna be able to come. Mom will be there cause I live with her. Dad will drop everything to come, but I really don’t want him to. My sister and brother-in-law only have five days off this year and they’re saving them for the holidays. None of my grandparents can come because they’re just too old and weak to make the trip. My cousins and Aunt won’t come because they hate me and mom now. My uncle won’t come because he can’t afford to.
This will be the THIRD time this has happened.
I was sick for my high school graduation, so I only got a dinner party with the family. I couldn’t even enjoy it because I felt so sick.
My community college graduation was the day before my sister’s college graduation. So we go to my graduation, took five minutes for pictures, then we dropped everything and drove all night to make it in time.
Now, no one will come because “it’s not convenient”.
Meanwhile, my sister got big parties with lots of guests and presents for BOTH her high school and college graduation. Everyone can drop everything for her. Meanwhile, I’m just…there.
I can guarantee that no one will even be at my wedding (if/when I decide to get married). Everyone will most likely be at the hospital, watching her give birth to the next Einstein.
Why do I try anymore? What’s the point?
Edited by Viveca Shearin