The Love Based on Unconditional Positive Regard and Selfless Altruistic Behavior is Agape
Love styles are modi operandi of how people love, originally developed by John Lee. He identified six basic love styles which he also termed as the colors of love that people use in their interpersonal relationship.
He identified six styles, but today we are going to talk about Agape, taking the form of the color violet. It is the combination of two of the primary styles: the eros (red; based on romance) and the stroge (blue; based on friendship).
Agape is based on selflessness. In this style, the individual is willing to sacrifice anything for their partner. It is based on an unbreakable commitment and an unconditional, selfless love. “Agape is altruistic love, given because the lover sees it as his or her duty to love without expectation of reciprocity. It is gently, caring, and guided by reason more than emotion.” (Lee, 1977: 175).
Agapic individuals sacrifices often for the other person’s happiness, sometimes at the expense of their own needs and desires. It might be a good thing to the perspective of others, but in my culture, these types of individuals often viewed more in the negative perspective than the good.
In the culture of us Filipinos, this is what we call the martyr. The martyr can manifest itself in all types of relationships but it is prevalent in the romantic context. It is an extreme form of agape.
In a sense, these individuals fall under the category of being agapic individuals. Why the negative connotation? Here, if you are called a martyr, you are doing the extreme. You are literally sacrificing everything for your partner, most at your own expense. When you are called a martyr, it means something is wrong already. It’s like a wakeup call for some to take a step back and examine and re-evaluate their current relationship. Some succeed in fixing the imbalance of their relationship, but more often than not it’s already at a point where the relationship is already too damaged to salvage.
I do wonder, though. Are there parallels like this in your culture? Is it in viewed in a positive manner, or negative like in my culture? Is it a good thing to always give way to the happiness of your partner? Remember that all relationships work if both are happy, and I’d love to hear from you!
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